Feeling the love!

While we have felt so very thankful for all the prayers, support, and words of encouragement that we have received over the last 2 weeks, there has still been such a sense of isolation.  Illness has such a strange way of doing that.  The computer gets turned off, the cell phone is quiet, everybody has gone home and you are left alone.  Alone with the cancer.  Alone with the thoughts.  Alone with the fear.  So today when one of those fears has been eased, it has been a HUGE weight off our shoulders. 

Besides the many fears we have had for Josh's health, we have been overwhelmed with fears about our finances.  This is one of those alones.  Alone with the bills.  Alone at the check-out at the hospital.  We just keep hearing from people over and over again not to worry about it and that it will all work out.  But after going to MDACC for just one day and forking over nearly $3000 we had a very real picture of how things are going to go.  And to know that this will be forever - every year paying deductibles, and crazy expensive prescriptions is extremely overwhelming.

Some amazing friends of ours have set up a Give Forward site to help ease some of the financial burden we are experiencing.  When they emailed yesterday asking if we would mind if they did this, honestly I was afraid to say yes.  Taking money is SO incredibly difficult to do.  But this burden has been so heavy on our shoulders I just knew this was God.  He heard my doubts.  He knew my thoughts.  And He is proving me wrong!

I sat in the Wal-Mart parking lot this morning and just cried and cried, because I was so ashamed of my doubt.  You know those moments where you can actually hear God so clearly it is like he is sitting next to you?  This was one of those.  So gentle, so loving, all I could hear in my head is Jesus' words, "You have so little faith.  Why did you doubt me?"  (Matthew 14:31)  I guess finances have always been something we have struggled with handing over completely to God.  Poor Wyatt in the back seat didn't know what to think was going on! :)

So thank you Josh and Kelly for letting God use you to teach me to trust completely.  In ALL areas!  We hesitated to even write about all this cause we didn't want it to seem like we were begging for money, but we really wanted to brag on our friends and God's amazing plan for us.

Tomorrow morning we get to meet with Josh's doctor again at MDACC and hopefully we will have an action plan for beating this thing!  I will post an update tomorrow night.  For now, we offer our complete thanks and gratitude for the donations, prayers, phone calls, emails, meals, and well wishes!